Why Loyalty Feels Icky: Choosing Integrity Anyway

I’ve got many dope friends who are worthy of loyalty. These relationships have lasted years, even decades. We know what to expect from one another, along with the shortcomings we sometimes fail to manage well. I can be a loyal friend.

I’ve also seen loyalty used as a blank check for misbehavior. That makes loyalty feel icky. We see cronies who do what they’re told even when it’s unethical and even wicked. That kind of loyalty is worth avoiding.

High integrity loyalty is a better way.

Loyalty can be understood as a triangle built on three points. Personal Loyalty means you are at home in your own skin, honoring your identity without coping mechanisms like code switching or shrinking. Missional Loyalty is your commitment to the shared purpose of work and the people served through it. Divine Loyalty is the moral center that guides your life, whether rooted in faith, family wisdom, or a lived sense of right and wrong.

Before you move forward with tricky ideas, decisions, or behaviors, stop and think about what you’re being asked to be loyal to and measure it against each point of the HIL triangle. If it honors who you are, serves the mission, and sits right with your values, move ahead. If any part feels off, pause and get clarity so that you can move forward with integrity.

High Integrity Loyalty means honoring who you are, serving the mission, and staying rooted in your moral center before you commit.